PENIS SIZE:
HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF WHAT YOU’VE GOT.
AND HOW BEST TO PLEASE WOMEN WITH IT.

My penis is just like yours--a little too small. Some years ago, Penthouse magazine surveyed 1,000 men about their size. Almost every respondent said he was “too small” and wished he were larger. Not that I think size matters, you undersand. Every sex expert says the vast majority of women don’t care, and as a longtime sex expert myself, I concur...well, almost.

Many surveys have asked women what they look for in a man. Overwhelmingly, women say they want kindness, caring, warmth, tenderness, attentiveness, commitment, shared values, a good listener, a sense of humor, someone who makes a decent living and has no serious vices. I’ve never seen a survey where any significant proportion of women have said they want a man with a huge penis. In fact, a review of letters to the Kinsey Institute for Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University showed that women who inquire about penis size are more likely to complain that their lover might hurt them because he’s too large. In all my years as a sex advisor, I can’t recall any woman complaining that her man’s penis was too small. When women have raised the the issue, they usually ask how they can persuade their lovers to stop obsessing about their size.

The only women who seem to notice penis size are the ones who write letters about their sexual exploits to the skin magazines. Those letters are fiction. In addition, some women and couples who advertise for recreational sex partners in swing publications specify an interest in well-endowed men. But only a tiny proportion of women are involved in swinging--and only a tiny proportion of them care about penis size.

It’s clear that the vast majority of women don’t care about penis size. Still, I’m a guy, and when I look in the mirror, I think: An extra inch couldn’t hurt.... Which brings me to the subject of penis envy. Sigmund Freud, father of psychoanalysis, coined the term to describe his idea that women wish they had penises. That notion is now thoroughly discredited. Little boys see women’s breasts much more often than little girls see men’s penises, yet Freud said nothing about “breast envy.” On the other hand, I’m convinced that penis envy is a real affliction. Women don’t suffer it. Men do, myself included. Men envy other men whose penises are larger than theirs.

First the bad news about penis size: There’s no safe way to permanently enlarge it. Perhaps you’ve seen advertisements for surgical penis lengthening and girth enhancement. Most urologists strongly advise against this (details in a bit). Or perhaps you get the same junk emails I do, touting all sorts of expensive nostrums and programs that claim to turn pencils into phone poles. Nonsense. The good news is that with a little information, you can make the most of what the Good Lord gave you, and look as large and well-hung as you possibly can.

For the record, the typical adult flaccid penis measures 2.5 to 4 inches in length, with a similar circumference. The typical erection measures 5 to 6.5 inches, with a circumference of 3 to 4.5 inches. Now, before you pull out a ruler and what’s between your legs, let’s be clear on the fine points of penis measurement--along the top from the base of the shaft to the tip. Don’t push the ruler into your gut, and don’t stretch your penis--unless you want to feel you’ve got a little extra, in which case feel free.

Flaccid size has nothing to do with erection size, says Martin J. Resnick, M.D., chair of the urology department at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. It’s quite possible to have a flaccid penis on the small side, and a 7-inch erection. In general, the smaller the flaccid penis, the more length and girth it gains in erection.

A great deal is made of racial differences in penis size. Black men are reputed to be larger than whites, and Asian men are supposedly smaller. Urologists, sex therapists, and sex researchers I’ve consulted over the years generally concur with these stereotypes, but insist that racial characteristics take a back seat to individual differences. “I’ve seen men of every race with penises that are larger and smaller than average,” says Baltimore urologist James Smolev, M.D.

How many men are significantly smaller than average? “Maybe 5 percent,” Smolev says. How many are significantly larger? “Very, very few,” says longtime sex educator Betty Dodson, Ph.D., who organized group sex parties in the 1960s and 1970s, and has seen thousands of penises both flaccid and erect. “The vast majority were average, or a little bigger or smaller. I recall only a few guys I’d call really huge.”

So, where do men get the idea they’re too small? “From pornography,” explains Richard Pacheco, a porn star of the 1970s, now retired. “The men in porn are a self-selecting group. Only the guys with the biggest dicks audition. And producers pick the guys who are largest.”

The fact is, the only penises heterosexual men get to see up close--other than their own--are the ones in porn. Those penises really are significantly larger than what the rest of us have in our shorts. Unfortunately, porn penises have become the standard against which men judge themselves, and that standard is seriously skewed toward Goliaths. As a result, the Davids of the world are justified in believing that they have one of the smallest penises they’ve ever seen. No wonder men almost universally believe they’re “too small.”

In addition, men look down on their own penises from above, which makes them look smaller. But they often view porn penises from other angles: “Many of the penis shots in porn are photographed up from underneath,” Pacheco explains. “That camera angle can make any cock look huge.”

Men might feel better about their penises if they took a break from porn and spent some time viewing Renaissance sculpture. Michelangelo’s David, one of the world’s most famous statues, is quite modestly endowed, as are most nude male sculptures of that era.

Natural Approaches To Looking Your Largest

Whether flaccid or erect, penis size depends on the amount of blood contained in its central spongy tissues (corpus spongiosum and corpora cavernosa). The more blood, the larger you are. Many factors affect penile blood supply:

* Diet. No doubt you’re familiar with exhortations to eat a low-fat diet to prevent heart disease. Maybe more men would heed this advice if the American Heart Association added that a low-fat diet also means a larger penis. A diet high in fat, particularly animal (saturated) fat, raises blood cholesterol level, which, over time, narrows your arteries, including the ones that carry blood into the penis. (A high-fat diet is also associated with erection problems--Chapter 6.)

* Smoking. Smoking accelerates arterial narrowing, which is why smokers are at high risk for heart disease. Cigarettes hit men below the belt as well, limiting blood flow into the penis (and increasing risk of erection impairment.)

* Deep relaxation. The pudendal arteries are surrounded by smooth muscle tissue, explains Advisory Board member Dennis Sugrue, Ph.D. When men feel anxious, this muscle tissue contracts, which constricts the pudendal arteries, limiting blood flow into the penis. But as men relax, so does the smooth muscle. The pudendal arties open and more blood flows into the penis. (Viagra produces erection by enhancing relaxation of the smooth muscle tissue surrounding the pudendal arteries.) In addition, anxiety triggers the “fight or flight” reflex, which sends excess blood away from the central body, including the penis, and out toward the limbs for escape or self-defense. In times of personal peril, don’t measure your penis. It will be smaller than usual. But as you relax, blood returns to the central body, making more available to the penis. “Anxiety about penis size is so ironic,” explains Advisory Board member Marty Klein, Ph.D. “When men worry about their size, the anxiety triggers the fight-or-flight reflex and contributes to penis shrinkage. If you want your penis to be all it can be, stop worrying about how big it is.”

* Warmth. You’ve probably noticed that in chilly locker rooms, your penis seems to shrink and your scrotum hugs your body tightly. But after a hot shower, the penis looks considerably larger and the scrotum hangs lower. Warmth is relaxing. It increases blood flow into the penis and encourages the scrotum to become better hung. If you’d like to look your largest before jumping into bed with a woman, take a hot bath or shower with her.

* A comfortable, committed, loving relationship. New relationships can be exciting, says Advisory Board member Louanne Weston, Ph.D. “But they also involve intimacy with women you don't know very well, if at all. That can produce anxiety. A familiar lover may not be as exciting as a new one, but familiarity allows you and your penis to relax, which helps it look its largest.”

Beyond blood flow, here are additional size-enhancers:

* Lose the beer belly. When you have a big gut, lower abdominal fat surrounds the base of your penis, and encroaches on it, making it look smaller.

* Exercise. Working out helps control weight, which minimize a big gut. It also contributes to arterial health, so blood flows more easily into your penis.

But exercising the penis doesn’t help. The sex media sometimes refer to the penis the “love muscle,” which implies that like the biceps, certain exercises may buff it up. “The penis contains muscle tissue,” Klein explains, “but it’s smooth muscle, which doesn’t get bigger with exercise.”

* Trim your pubic hair. When less of the penis is obscured by hair, it looks larger.

* Don’t take anabolic steroids. Many athletes takes these drugs to add bulk and boost strength. However, steroids shrink the testicles.

There’s also one natural approach that doesn’t work--a technique called “jelqing” that’s all over the Internet. It’s supposedly an ancient Midde Eastern technique, but none of the standard works on the history of sex mention it. Jelqing involves making an “OK” sign with the thumb and index finger around the semi-erect penis, and then pulling the organ 200 to 500 strokes a day using a rhythmic milking motion. Some men claim an extra inch in length. No way. Jelqing is very similar to how many men masturbate. Has masturbation made you any larger?

Now about all hose junk emails that promise extra inches: I can’t claim to have investigated every offer. But the ones I’ve looked into rely on jelqing, which doesn’t work; hanging weights from the penis, which can damage it; supplements, which have no effect on penis size; herbal tonics, which may help a little with desire and erection problems but do nothing for size (Chapters 6 and 10), and cock rings and penis pumps, which are safe, but provide only temporary enlargement (see below).

Help From Technology

If you enjoy playing with sex toys, two devices may temporarily boost your size--cock rings and vacuum constricting devices, generally known as penis pumps.

Cock rings are rubber or leather donut-shaped devices that tightly encircle the erect penis. Typically used to help maintain erection, they may also provide a modest temporary boost in erection size. Just don’t expect miracles.

Whether flaccid or erect, blood constantly circulates in and out of the penis. The arteries that carry blood into the organ run through its center, so during erection, as blood fills the penis’ spongy tissues, a cock ring doesn’t keep blood out. However, one of the two veins that carry blood out of the penis (the superficial dorsal vein), runs close to the organ’s outer skin (on top). As the penis expands in erection, both the superficial and deep penile veins get somewhat compressed, which restricts blood outflow and contributes to blood pooling in the organ and erection. A cock ring restricts outflow a bit more by compressing this superficial vein. The net effect is somewhat greater blood build-up in the penis, and a slightly larger, firmer erection. Again, don’t expect miracles.

There are two types of cock rings--adjustable and not. If you’re at all concerned about damaging your penis--bruising is possible from a ring that’s too tight--use one that’s adjustable. “Some guys swear by cock rings,” Dodson says. “Other say they don’t do much.” See for yourself (see Resources).

Penis pumps create a partial vacuum that draws blood into the penis, resulting in temporary size enhancement when flaccid or erect. Developed long before erection drugs became available, pumps produce temporary erections in men who otherwise can’t raise them. Once a pump has raised an erection, you roll on a constriction band similar to a cock ring to help maintain turgidity. “Vacuum pumps are excellent, reliable, safe, and effective,” Smolev explains. Even if your penis has no trouble becoming erect, pumps can be used for temporary size enhancement. Models differ, but all include a plastic tube that fits over your penis, fitted with a pump operated by a hand bulb. You squeeze the bulb, which evacuates the air from the plastic tube, drawing blood into the penis. Fit is crucial. Without a good seal at the base of your penis, you can’t creaate the partial vacuum. Just remember, any benefit is temporary (see Resources).

Finally, you might enjoy playing with a penis extender or PPA (prosthetic penis aid). These sex toys are larger-than-life artificial penises with hollow centers. You slip a PPA over your erection and presto--you and your lover can play out a fantasy that you’re hung like a horse (see Resources).

Surgical Enhancement: Not Recommended

You might see the ad in a newspaper Sports section, or in a junk email: “Give Yourself a Major Confidence Boost: Penis Lengthening and Enlargement” with the phone number of a urologist ready to operate. Surgical enlargement might boost your self-esteem. Then again, it might destroy it.

Two surgical approaches are available. The more popular is penis lengthening. It’s based on the fact that you have more penis than what hangs between your legs. The penis extends into your lower abdomen. The internal penis is anchored there by the penile suspensatory ligament. Cut this ligament, and much of the internal penis emerges from the lower abdomen, adding about an inch to what you see externally. But this procedure has a significant drawback. The suspensatory ligament is what makes erections stand up. When sexually aroused, a surgically lengthened penis becomes as firm as it always has, but it no longer salutes. Instead, it hangs down between your legs. You or your lover must direct it by hand into erotic openings.

The other surgical option is girth enhancement. This is a two-step procedure involving fat removal (liposuction) from the buttocks, then reinjecting it under the penis’ skin. The before and after pictures offered by urologists who perform this procedure show bullets transformed into torpedos. But again, there are drawbacks. The fat injections may not “take,” and if they take unevenly, you wind up with a lumpy, mutant-looking organ.

Gary Rheinschild, M.D. of Anaheim, CA (see Resources) is a leading practitioner of surgical penis enlargement. His Web site gushes testimonials. But Resnick warns that enlargement surgery is “not recommended. Infection and deformity are possible.” Smolev is even more emphatic: “Any operation to lengthen or thicken the penis should be outlawed.” Even Rheinschild’s Web site warns that many surgeons who perform penis enlargement “lack the skills needed to produce good results.....A large part of [Rheinschild’s] practice involves repairing the numerous men damaged by [other] doctors.”

If you’re interested in surgery, Rheinschild charges $4,500 for lengthening and $5,500 for girth enhancement. Airfare to Anaheim, hotel, and food are extra. You must spend three to five days in Anaheim for each operation. Lengthening comes first, then six to 12 months later, girth enhancement. Figure $11,000 to $12,000 for both operations--all out of pocket. Insurers don’t pay for penis enlargement.

“You couldn’t pay me to have my penis surgically altered,” Klein says. “The horror stories I’ve heard are horrendous.”

However, if you have a big gut, one safe, minor surgical procedure can make your penis look larger--liposuction of the fat pad in your lower abdomen above the penis (suprapubic area). Eliminat this fat, and your penis looks larger.

The Downside Of A Huge One

Recall that women who have asked the Kinsey Institute about penis size have been more likely to complain that their lovers are too large than too small. “This may come as a shock to men,” says Southern California sex therapist Patti Britton, Ph.D., past president of the Foundation for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, “but many women are afraid of big penises. They bang into the cervix during intercourse and that hurts.” (The cervix, the entrance into the uterus, hangs down into the back of the vagina.)

“Back when I was involved in sex parties,” Dodson recalls, “every once in a blue moon, we’d get a man who was really huge. The women would ooh and ahh, but most wouldn’t go near those guys. They’d say, ‘No way you’re sticking that thing in me.’ Most wouldn’t even take superhuge penises into their mouths. I talked with a few of these guys, and they all said that having a huge penis was more of a burden than a joy.”

Secrets Of “Cocksmanship” No Matter What Your Size

In an old blues song, a woman sings: "It ain’t the meat, it’s the motion/ That makes your momma wanna rock./ It ain’t the meat, it’s the motion./ It’s the movement that gives it the sock."

“Women are right,” Klein says. “Men are too preoccupied with their penises. Some women may be into size, but I’ve counseled thousands of couples, and I can’t recall any woman ever raising the issue. Men hung up on penis size don’t understand how women experience sexual pleasure. The penis--any size penis--gives men pleasure, but the best way to impress women in bed is to find creative ways to provide pleasure without using your penis. Instead, use your hands all over her, and use your tongue on her vulva and clitoris.”

“Over the years, I’ve probably had a couple hundred penises inside me,” says Dodson, now 72 and still doing it, living with a 26-year-old man. “There’s nothing worse than big one on a guy who doesn’t know how to use it. It’s a nightmare. He plunges in before I’m ready, and he bangs into my cervix, which hurts. I’d rather have intercourse with a guy on the small side who knows how to use his tongue on my clitoris than a guy with a huge penis who thinks that stuffing that turkey inside me is all there is to sex.”

But Dodson appreciates the fact that most men and women also enjoy vaginal intercourse. “Me too,” she says, “as long as men know how to do it. Every man thinks he’s a champion cocksman, but believe me, very few are. The marks of a man who knows how to use his penis are patience, gentleness, and a slow, sensual rhythm.”

Here are Dodson’s suggestions:

* Don’t plunge into a woman’s vagina the moment she spreads her legs. Go slow. Give her time to become fully aroused and lubricated. “It takes my vagina a good 20 minutes to relax, open up, and lubricate enough to accept a penis comfortably.”

* Use a commercial sexual lubricant. “Use lube on both her vulva and your penis. Lube makes entry so much more comfortable.” (Chapter 11)

* Don’t push in deep right away. “The most erotically sensitive part of the vagina is the lips. Use the head of your penis to tease her lips. Then run it up to her clitoris. And even after you’ve gone deep, pull back out and tease her vaginal lips and clitoris some more--and often.”

* Enter slowly. “I've always preferred to be on top. That way I can control the speed and depth of penetration. In my experience, most women share that preference.”

* Develop a rhythm. “Don’t just pump in and out furiously like the guys in porn. Go for a slow, sensual rhythm--in, out, and all around with an awareness of how the woman is moving. Move with her.”

* It ain’t the meat, it’s the clitoris. “I wish men would get over their preoccupation with penis size,” Dodson says. “If you want to please a woman, focus on her clitoris. Fondle it gently, and especially lick it. That’s much more enjoyable than feeling impaled on a big penis.”

Many women enjoy feeling a penis filling their vaginas. If your lover feels that way, gently push in deeply. “Some women,” Britton says, “love deep penetration because they feel more intimately connected with the man. Men like it because it makes them feel larger.” The good news is that deep penetration depends less on penis size than on sexual position. If you’re interested in exploring new position, view the video, 101 Lovemaking Positions (see Resources). The narration points out which positions allow especially deep penetration. Here are a few to try:

* Man on top. The standard missionary position doesn’t allow particularly deep penetration, but a few variations do. Place a pillow under the woman’s hips to raise them a bit. Then she bends her knees over her chest, and you kneel between her legs and enter her. Or hold her legs straight up over her head.

* Woman on top. This position allows the woman maximum freedom of movement. Encourage her to experiment with variations that allow her to feel filled up.

* Rear entry (doggie style). This allows deep insertion. In this position, even an average-size penis might bang into the cervix and cause the woman pain. Enter slowly and be careful not to thrust too deeply.

However, if you’re one of the very few men with an unusually large penis, avoid deep penetration because you might hurt the woman.

“It’s such a shame so many men feel inadequate because of their size,” Dodson laments. “I should mention one final aspect of being a good cocksman: Enjoy your penis. It’s fine as it is. Make peace with it. And understand that as far as women are concerned, your tongue is more important. You’ll be happier. You’ll have better sex. And so will your lover.”