PORNOGRAPHY:
HOW IT MISLEADS MEN ABOUT WOMEN’S SEXUALITY

“It amazes me,” says Advisory Board member Dennis Sugrue, Ph.D., “how some men don’t understand that pornography presents a fantasy world, a Neverland that’s very different from the world real people live in.”

Want your honey to act like a porn star? Don’t hold your breath. Pornography seriously misrepresents how women feel about sex and themselves.

Some fantasies that porn promotes:

Fantasy: Every woman can’t wait to spread her legs.
Reality: In real life, compared with men, women usually need considerably more sexual warm-up time before they feel comfortable with genital sexuality. They need time for playful, creative, full-body sensuality. Porn totally ignores this very real need. Instead, it encourages men to plunge into intercourse long before women feel receptive. When surveys ask women what they dislike about the way men make love, they consistently reply that men rush into intercourse too quickly. Blame it on porn. Porn sex leaves many women cold--and turned-off women arenít much fun in bed.

Fantasy: A woman should look like a porn star to be considered sexy.
Reality: Porn stars’ bodies are way too perfect. They have flat bellies, firm breasts, thighs, upper arms, and butts, no flab, and no wrinkles. Many have also had plastic surgery: breast enlargements, tummy tucks, liposuction--you name it. “Many men don’t understand how most women compare themselves to porn actresses,” Advisory Board member Louanne Weston, Ph.D., explains. “The typical woman feels very distressed that her body is nowhere near as flawless as what she sees on screen. Her man is sitting there thinking, ‘I’d love a blowjob like that.’ Meanwhile she’s thinking, ‘I’m a tub of lard.’ When women see the men in their lives riveted to those women, they often feel hopelessly outclassed. They fear rejection, and it’s a deep and chilling fear, one few men appreciate.”

Fantasy: Women love to parade around naked.
Reality: The women in porn seem delighted to flash their breasts and genitals, and strut around naked just about anywhere. Few real women are exhibitionists. Because of their insecurities about their bodies, many women feel reluctant to reveal themselves even to the men they love. Meanwhile, men who view porn often expect their lovers to prance around in the buff and can’t understand why they insist on wearing robes until just before slipping under the covers and prefer lights off during sex.

Fantasy: Women are are born to service men, and don’t care about experiencing orgasm themselves.
Reality: Fewer than half of women express orgasm during intercourse. The fact that women in pornography almost never come is actually the X-rated media’s ONLY realistic element. After the man comes, known in the industry as the “money shot,” the sex is over. The women scream and moan in the throes of supposed passion, but they almost never have orgasms. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you were in the throes of passion only to be cut short once your lover had her orgasm. You’d likely feel disappointed. When women watch porn, that’s how many of them feel.
The culture of porn has little interest in women’s sexual satisfaction. The vast majority of porn is produced by men for men. In addition, given the rushed, nonsensual nature of porn sex, under those circumstances, it’s a rare woman who could come, even if she wanted to. No wonder so many men are in the dark about women’s orgasms. They never see them in porn, and have no idea that porn-style sex leaves many women so turned off and unfulfilled that they canít possibly express orgasm. “Lots of women look at porn,” Weston says, “and think: When I do it, I never get as excited as those women. Therefore, there must be something wrong with me.” Of course, nothing is wrong with them. What’s wrong--completely wrong--is the portrayal of womenís sexuality in porn.

Fantasy: All women respond the same way in bed.
Reality: Pornography ignores the unique individuality of sexual expression. Porn sex is cookbook sex. Take two people. Get them naked. She sucks. He licks. Then they have intercourse in various acrobatic--and unrealistic--positions. Some people may enjoy making love this way, but most prefer more creativity. Porn never shows lovers massaging each other’s shoulders, or running fingers through each other’s hair, or tracing fingers on the backs of knees, or sucking each other’s fingers or ear lobes. All of these little moves add special zing to lovemaking. Pornography rarely shows eye contact, never zooms in to catch one lover whispering, “I love you.” Nor does pornography ever show lovers asking each other, “Is this okay?” “How’s this? Too light? Just right? Too intense?” Or “What can I do for you?” In porn, one script fits all. “Porn sex is very narrow slice of the sexual possibilities,” Klein says. “After a while, it gets boring. Great sex never gets boring.”